And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
