An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
