whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
