He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize