i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
