I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
