The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I have fence marks all over my body
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
