just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
