If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I came so hard my ears popped.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
