So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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