I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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