I wish my penis had an off switch
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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