Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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