May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
im having a threesome with these popsicles
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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