i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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