I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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