I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
