My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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