I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
