writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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