how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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