She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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