I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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