I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
