He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
