I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
