oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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