I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
