Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize