I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
