I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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