in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Found the puke drawer
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
