He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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