so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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