Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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