u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You need Xanax blowdarts
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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