This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
