so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
high people should be assigned attendants
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
