Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
so much tequila, so little girl.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
