Ambien. No doubt about it.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
