My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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