think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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