Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
