You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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