How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
