You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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