If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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