So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
FUCK WHALES
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
