We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize