we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
