covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
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