He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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