hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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