wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize