So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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