He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
