I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
