I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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