A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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