The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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