every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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