there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
