if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
