Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
