guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
