You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
