so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
