put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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